Is it really that hard?

There are so many things in my life that I find "hard" to do...but when I sit back and think about it, I want to ask myself "Is it REALLY that hard?" Honestly, I don't think so, all said and done, but I have so many crutches that I have developed over the years, that I have MADE it THAT hard! I accept that my failures are just that...MY failures. My failure to stand up for myself, and demand nothing less than the best for ME. This isn't about any one aspect of my life, it's about EVERYTHING in my life. When you stop valuing yourself as a person, you begin to settle, and then you settle IN, get lazy, or comfy, whatever word you want to use will work, but you are settling either way. I feel like I have done this exact thing. Allowed myself to settle for an unhealthy lifestyle, where I learned to make excuses about anything and everything, in order NOT to do anything. Instead of being the motivated person I once was, I have gradually become this massive LUMP on a log, with no inclination towards anything specific. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to make changes over the years, and STOP this horrible self-sabotage, but for some reason, I never seemed to follow through. I like to think this time, I am following through, but if I am going to be honest here, there is still a HUGE part of me that doesn't think I have what it takes. There is, however, this itsy bitsy part of me that says I have been underestimated, not just by others, but by myself. I am a strong woman, somewhere, deep down, hiding beneath this weak shell...just waiting to be found again. Sometimes, she shows through in little victories, but more often than not, I keep her hidden, smothering her with my self-doubt. I know it is time to rescue her from the wreckage, clean her up, and put her back up on her pedestal, where she belongs. It really can't be that hard to do, can it? REALLY?


Proud mommy of Two said...

Very well said Ali! you can do it!!

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